


I Must Be Waiting For You This Much

by K1mHeechu1



Series: It's a Better Place Since You Came Along!Verse [8]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Dream and 127 have a different lineup, Feels, Fluff, Food Issues, Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, NCTEnt AU, Romance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25323382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K1mHeechu1/pseuds/K1mHeechu1
Summary: 'I should've been a professional gamer. I'd be sitting in front of my computer eating ramen all day. That sounds like a dream.'Or: Donghyuck is happy with his life. He loves his group, has the best friends in the world, and the most amazing family ever.If only he didn't have the most oblivious soulmate in the history of mankind, though...
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Kim Jungwoo/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: It's a Better Place Since You Came Along!Verse [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779235
Comments: 28
Kudos: 136
Collections: K-Ficcer's Works





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IvyPrincess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyPrincess/gifts).



> Hello!! Welcome to a new story for this series!   
> I'm not even going to tell you how many chapters I think it'll have, but I reckon it shouldn't be more than 6, if that.  
> We have a pretty big time jump from where we left our boys in the last story... we're 12 years in the future, folks, just a warning.  
> Anyway, thanks for reading!
> 
> This is for IvyPrincess, I hope you like it♥ I promise there will be Markhyuck in future chapters, lol.
> 
> ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

_ 'I should've been a professional gamer. I'd be sitting in front of my computer eating ramen all day. That sounds like a dream.' _

  
  
  


Donghyuck was still trying to catch his breath, lying flat on his back as everyone started getting ready to go home. They had a free weekend, the first one after their newest round of promotions had ended, and everyone itched to go spend time with their families instead of heading to the dorm.

"Hyuckie, do you want to come home with me or do you want to come by later?" 

He turned to the side to look at his father.

"Yeah, I'm going with you, Appa." 

Donghyuck accepted the hand that was being held in front of him and allowed his father to pull him up.

"Mark, do you want me to drive you home?" Taeyong turned to the boy, who looked at them with wide eyes.

"Mark will go home with his fathers," Donghyuck said quite forcefully and Mark instantly nodded, face paling a little.

Taeyong looked back and forth between them before he sighed.

"Yes, don't worry, Uncle Taeyong. I'll go wait for Baba to be done and go home with him." He forced a smile their way before leaving, leaving them alone in the practice room.

"Hyuckie, what..."

"Appa, please don't. It's nothing, really." Taeyong sighed but nodded.

"Fine, I won't ask. Get your things, we're leaving in 5."

  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Donghyuck couldn't remember his life being anything other than how it was. For as long as he could remember, his family had always been his Dad, Appa and his older brother Jungwoo.

He had tried to force himself to remember something, anything from before he had been adopted, but couldn't get more than random feelings. 

Sometimes, if he focused long enough, he could remember being cold and hungry. He could remember being alone. 

He tried not to think of it too much. He was who he was because of his family, and nothing that had happened before his foot had been stamped on the adoption papers was important enough to remember, anyway.

  
  
  
  


* * *

Dinner had been a quiet affair that night. Donghyuck had been awake for far too long at that point, and his parents had made sure to feed him something light before sending him to bed as soon as they could.

Sleeping over 8 hours was not a thing idols were able to do during promotions, no matter how great a company NCTEnt was, so saying Donghyuck was tired would've been a gross understatement. He knew his Appa would go overboard pampering them all weekend, especially considering it would be the first time in over 3 months all four of them had free days together. Donghyuck was glad he wasn't an only child, having Jungwoo there as a buffer from Taeyong's mother-henning was a blessing, really.

Donghyuck had shoved the kimchi jjigae down his throat as quickly as he could, Taeyong refilling his rice bowl when he realised Donghyuck was not going to be full with a single serving. He had stumbled into the bathroom, changing into the pyjamas he had already left in there and washed his teeth, and decided one day of no skincare wasn't going to permanently ruin his face.

Johnny had basically half carried him to his bedroom. Donghyuck allowed himself to be tucked into bed and had whined when Johnny tried to leave the room.

"Hyuckie, go to sleep, son." 

"Dad, stay. Please?" Puppy-eyes at full power, he knew his father stood no chance.

He fell asleep with Johnny's fingers running through his hair and his deep voice quietly singing a song he knew by heart.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


The second Donghyuck woke up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and breathing heavily he knew that day would suck. He checked his phone to find the time and saw it was 2:40 AM. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again.

So he did what he always did on days he felt like he had ants crawling inside his veins. He grabbed a blanket and his old Winnie the Pooh plush, the one his family had gifted him the day he met them and was kept safe at home, and made his way out of the room, making sure he kept noise to the minimum. His parents were most likely asleep, but Taeyong was a light sleeper and the last thing Donghyuck needed right now was his dad losing sleep over him.

He made his way to the kitchen and turned the exhaustion fan's light on before starting the slow process of opening all cabinet doors he knew held food inside. He took a peek inside the fridge, saw the leftover food his father had neatly put away and the cake he had prepared for the following day, before closing the door and allowing himself to slip down until he was sitting down on the floor, holding his Pooh in a tight hug and covered with the blanket.

And then, he simply stared at the opened cabinets.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


"Hyuckie?" 

Jungwoo's soft voice made him jump, and he turned to the right to find him standing in the kitchen entrance.

"Hi, Hyung. You're here early."

Jungwoo frowned, setting his phone on the kitchen counter after one last look at the screen.

"Hyuckie, it's almost 7 AM." Donghyuck's eyes widened, which told Jungwoo everything he needed to know. He sat down right next to his little brother. "Care to share your blanket?"

Donghyuck scooted closer to him, allowing himself to be pulled into a hug as Jungwoo wrapped the blanket around both of them. He sighed, snuggling into his brother's side and feeling himself relax as he allowed him to comb his fingers through his hair, his body instantly recognising the safety his older brother's arms brought him.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


One of the things he remembered the most about his childhood was how there had always been food at plain sight anywhere he went in the house. 

There were snack bowls in every room, a big fruit platter on top of the dining table, some sweets in a jar on the coffee table, random chocolate coins in the car seat's pocket; his parents always made sure there was food readily available at any time, and he had never questioned it. It was just the way it was.

Yet, even though he logically knew there was food everywhere, and that even if all the snacks ran out, he only needed to ask his parents for more, sometimes it wasn't enough.

Sometimes he felt his hands sweat and go numb, as a little voice in the back of his head told him that it would run out, and he wouldn't have anything to eat and he'd be hungry.

He hated the feeling of being hungry. As he got older, he became more used to it, but as a child, he would start panicking as soon as he started feeling a little hungry.

His parents had explained the reason why he had so much food-related anxiety when he became old enough to actually understand the concept.

They had sat him down and explained that he had been badly neglected as a baby, that his paediatrician had explained that since he had, most likely, been given little to no food before he was adopted, he would grow desperate at the sight of food.

"When you were little, you didn't know when your next meal would come, or if there would be a next meal at all." His dad had explained as all four of them sat in the living room, Donghyuck cuddled against Jungwoo's side, his favourite place in the world. "So you grew accustomed to eating as much food as you could when you were fed so that you wouldn't starve the rest of the time. It's a big thing, it was a big thing that left scars on your soul, baby. But we're going to get through it together."

And they had. He had stopped having anxiety attacks if meal times changed for some reason, he had stopped hoarding food unconsciously, and he had stopped eating to the point where he made himself sick from the amount of food he had consumed.

But there were days when he still felt the need to hoard food just in case, or when his hands wouldn't stop shaking when Dream was scheduled to work through lunch or dinner. 

Jungwoo had been the one to teach him what to do when food insecurity made him so anxious he couldn't focus. He had taken Donghyuck's hand, opened all the food cabinets, sat the both of them down on the kitchen floor, and made him look at all the food there was in the house. Jungwoo had hugged him close, first making him sit on his lap as a tiny 4-year-old and then sitting right next to him and hugging him close to his body as he got bigger, and reassured him that the food was there, it was theirs, and they would never run out of it. 

Jungwoo had told him he had done the same they were doing the first few weeks after being adopted, when their parents were asleep, because even though he had never been starved, he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that all of that was there, and he could now choose to eat whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He had made him promise that if he ever felt anxious and needed to make sure the food was still there, he would get Jungwoo, no matter the time of the day. So for years, until Jungwoo had moved out to live in the 127 when he turned 18, Donghyuck had sneaked into his brother's room at random hours of the night when the anxiety started creeping upon him. Sometimes all he would need was a small sweet and cuddles, and sometimes they would fall asleep where they sat cuddling in the kitchen, staring at open cabinets.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Taeyong found them still sitting on the kitchen floor when he got up a few hours later. He gently shook Jungwoo's shoulder to wake him up, earning himself a sleepy smile. 

"Hi, Appa."

"Hello, baby. When did you come back?" Taeyong asked him as he caressed Donghyuck's cheek, chuckling at the small whine he received from his son.

"We landed at about 5:30, and I dumped Lucas at his parents' flat before heading up. I got here at about 7." Jungwoo yawned, before nodding his head toward the open cabinets. "I found him here, so I stayed with him." 

Taeyong sighed.

"Let's hope he feels better today."

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Donghyuck woke up to the smell of seaweed soup and someone caressing his head. 

"Come on, sunshine, time to wake up." 

"Daaaad," He groaned, snuggling closer to his pillow. "Nooo, too early. Wan' more sleep."

"I know kiddo, but your Appa needs to get the dishes out and you're blocking the cupboard."

Well, that woke him up.

Right. He had fallen asleep in the kitchen. His pillow wasn't his pillow, but a combination of his Pooh plush and Jungwoo's shoulder.

He opened his eyes and smiled at his father, letting Jungwoo get up as he tried to convince himself to stand up. He raised his hands instead, and Johnny chuckled before helping him up.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Johnny hugged him tightly, trapping Donghyuck's head under his chin. "Happy birthday, son."

"Thanks, Dad." He snuggled closer to his father's chest, enjoying the hug before stepping away.

"Hyuckie!! Happy birthday, love!" Taeyong pounced on him the second he stepped away from Johnny, covering his face in small kisses and making him giggle as he tried to survive his father's love attack.

"Appa, please! I can't!" 

"Yes, you can and you will let me show you my love. I can't reach your brother's face so you get his kisses and yours."

"Appa, not fair, I didn't ask to be tall." Jungwoo protested from where he was plugging his phone to charge in the living room.

"Shush it, baby, I had to upload a freestyle dance video because of you, you don't get to say anything."

"Well, to be fair, you shouldn't have bet he wouldn't get to 180. You know I'm always right." Johnny added, and the ran away when Taeyong tried to hit him.

"Don't worry, Appa, you can cuddle me all you want." Donghyuck hugged his father, feeling Taeyong's smile against his temple as he dropped a kiss against his skin.

"Oh, Hyuckie, please don't betray me and grow tall. I can't handle being the only midget in a family of beanpoles." He let go of him, stepping back to comb his fringe away from his face. "Go and get changed, we're having breakfast soon!"

Donghyuck nodded, grabbing his plushie and blanket from the floor. He kissed Taeyong's cheek, which made his father's smile brighten even more, and went to his room.

He dropped Pooh and the blanket on his bed, before checking his phone. He unlocked it, looked at the messaging app and bit his lip for a second, before scoffing and putting the phone back on top of the desk.

Donghyuck changed into a pair of joggers and a t-shirt he was pretty sure had been Yangyang's at some point, before leaving the room to go back to his family.

  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_4 new messages_ **

**_Mork_ **

  
  
  


**_Happy birthday, Hyuck!_ **

**_Can we talk? I promise I won't screw up again._ **

**_Please. I miss you._ **

**_I'm really, really sorry._ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo!! New update here.  
> For anyone that missed the AN in the previous chapter, we're 12 years in the future after the last fic, so everyone is basically old af, lol.  
> This has NOT been betaed (to be honest I didn't even re-read it after writing it so god knows what this chapter even is or if it makes sense, sorry bout that.)  
> I hope you like this chapter!!  
> I'm trying to make the chapters longer, but it's a work in progress lol, please treat me kindly (?)  
> Anyway, happy reading!!

Donghyuck hadn't seen his soulmate bond in over 2 years. He didn't need to see it to know it was there, but he still missed it.

See, Donghyuck couldn't remember a time when he didn't know his soulmate. The knowledge had always been there, present in the tingles he would get when they accidentally bump each other while playing tag, or the happiness just being around one another brought him.

He also couldn't remember actually meeting him, but he had been told enough times, it was easy to imagine it.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It had happened the week his family had brought him home. His parents had decided they would start introducing the family to him slowly, so they had invited just a few of their friends over to meet him. 

Chenle had been the first one that had been extremely excited at the sight a new friend that was his age and he had tried to talk to him but, at the time, Donghyuck's developmental delay due to negligence meant he didn't know how to speak yet, and Chenle's enthusiastic squeals had only made Donghyuck upset. Taeyong had brushed the hair off his face, trying to calm him down as Sicheng calmed Chenle down.

Yuta had been standing next to Johnny, staring at their husbands with concern. 

Jungwoo had taken the initiative to grab Mark's hand and pull him towards where Taeyong was sitting on the floor holding Donghyuck.

"That is my little brother, Markie!" He had softly explained in English, "Do you want to say hi? I promise he's really sweet, Lele's voice probably scared him, he isn't really used to loud noises yet."

Mark looked at Jungwoo, eyes wide. Jungwoo chuckled, before sitting down next to his father and grabbing one of Donghyuck's hands, making him calm down instantly and smile at him. Mark scooted closer to them and plopped himself on Jungwoo's lap before raising his hand and grabbing Donghyuck's other hand, making the toddler look at him with a shocked face. The adults chuckled at their expressions.

"Hi, I'm Mark-Hyung."

Donghyuck had stared at Mark's face for a few moments, before looking down at his hand, still in Mark's, and started giggling like crazy. No one had really understood why he was giggling at first, Taeyong even looking down to see if anyone was tickling him.

And then, Jungwoo had gasped loudly, before smiling widely.

"Appa, look at their hands!!" 

It wasn't really that apparent on Donghyuck's skin, but it was visible on Mark's skin. Taeyong's mouth had fallen open at the sight of the soulbond.

"Guys..." Everyone in the room had descended upon them, startling Donghyuck, who quickly turned to hide his face in Taeyong's shoulder.

"Hey, Makku, can you show Dad your hand?" Mark stared at Yuta for a moment before looking down at his hand and letting out a tiny squeak.

"Dad! Baba! My hand is duckie yellow! Look!" He thrust his hand out at Yuta. "Why is it duckie yellow?"

Sicheng sat Chenle down on the floor next to Taeyong, the toddler instantly starting another attempt at befriending Donghyuck, before sitting down next to Mark.

"Do you know how Baba's skin turns blue when Dad touches me? Well, that's called a soulbond. When your soulmate touches your skin, you can see the colour the soulbond leaves. Your hand is yellow because Donghyuckie is your soulmate."

"What's a soulmate?" Mark asked, staring at Chenle finally making progress at getting Donghyuck to look at him.

"It's the person that's perfect for you. You were made to be together."

"So that means he's my bestest friend?" Mark asked innocently, and Jungwoo chuckled behind him, hugging him tightly.

"Yeah, baby, it means he's going to be by your side always." 

"That's great!" Mark grinned widely, making Donghyuck turn back to look at him. "Hi, Duckie! I'll be your bestest friend ever! I'm older, so that means I'll always protect you!"

  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Mark had kept his promise as they grew up. He had taken care of Donghyuck whenever he could, always making sure he was included in all games and helped him find words when he got frustrated at not being able to talk a language as fluently as everyone around him.

He had been there to train with him when Donghyuck decided he wanted to be just like Jungwoo. It had been the two of them for a few years since Yangyang, Guangheng and Dejun had started training before them and were on a different level, and Mark had always made sure Donghyuck didn't strain himself too much, telling Taeyong when he thought Donghyuck was ill, tired or just not feeling well.

Those first years of training together were spent having fun and doing things in a relaxed way, as was the NCTEnt standard. Donghyuck got so used to the way they acted when it was just the two of them training with his father, one of their uncles or any of the other trainers the company had, that when the two of them, the older three and the ones that had started training a few years after they had first joined the training program, had been put together in the same classes, it took him quite a while to get used to it.

The group had come together extremely fast after that, though. The ten of them had grown up together, after all, so debuting together was the best idea ever. With the exception of Donghyuck, whose brother was already an established household name as 127 made national and international headlines, everyone had their siblings in the team, so the dynamic between members was naturally great. 

The fact that most of them knew their soulmates were in the group with them also helped the relationship between members to be smooth most of the time, and even though it hadn't factored in why they had been added to the team, they knew the sight of their soulbonds would drive fans insane. They had all seen how fans reacted to Jungwoo and Lucas' pink or Chan and Woojin's navy blue bond, so they were sure the soulbonds would catch the fans' eyes. 

Most of the others didn't feel the need to be constantly touching their soulmates' skin, but Jaemin and Jeno were especially happy about being able to freely show off their bond. They had been by each other's side since they were a year old and, the second they weren't rehearsing or doing anything important, they instantly found their way next to each other like magnets, their skin quickly turning pearl white for everyone to see.

About a year before they were set to debut, when he had turned 14 and Mark 16, Donghyuck started noticing the change. Mark, who had always been happy to shower him with small pats and reassuring touches, avoided touching him as much as he could. When he did touch him, the touch was extremely brief and he would quickly take his hand away. 

"I just don't want fans to ship us, Duckie." Mark had explained when he had questioned him. "You know they'll do it if they see the bond. We're not brothers, so they won't think it's a platonic bond, they'll jump straight for the romantic bond, and I don't want the pressure to change the way we act around each other."

_'It already changed it even before the attention started.'_ Donghyuck thought. _'You're pulling away from me even before we debut.'_

Even though he hated Mark's reasoning, he accepted it, and moved on, and allowed Mark to pull away as much as he wanted. But that didn't mean he did the same. Donghyuck used every opportunity he could find to try and hug Mark, kiss his cheek or grab his hand. Mark had great reflexes and was able to dodge him most of the time, but Donghyuck always felt smug when he managed to paint Mark's skin yellow.

The soulbond barely left a stain of colour, touches too fleeting to allow the yellow to deepen and show in their naturally tanned skin, but he was always comforted by the tingling sensation left in the piece of skin that had been in contact with Mark's.

  
  
  


* * *

Donghyuck was 16 when he realised he was in love with Mark. 

He was 16 when he realised Mark wasn't in love with him, and that was the reason he had decided to hide their soulbond from the fans.

Donghyuck had grabbed his phone, told his parents he was going to visit Jungwoo, who coincidentally had a free day as well, and stormed out of the building and down the street to 127's dorm. Lucas had opened the door, taken a single look at him and instantly yelled for Jungwoo to come out of their room.

He had spent the rest of the day crying in his brother's arms, unable to tell him what the problem was. Jungwoo had accepted his silence, simply rocking him in his arms like he had done when Donghyuck was a tiny toddler with anxiety issues and woke him up in the middle of the night. He had called their dad and told him Donghyuck would sleepover that night, reassuring his parents they were both okay and just needed to have sibling-bonding-time.

Woojin, Chan and Lucas had all included him in their conversation over dinner and allowed him to choose a movie to watch after they were done eating. Seungyoun and Felix, the remaining 127 members had joined them when they had come back from their dates with their respective soulmates, treating Donghyuck as their little brother just like they always had, used to his presence in the dorm from all the times he came to visit Jungwoo. 

That night, he had fallen asleep cuddled between Jungwoo and Lucas, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

The following morning, he had promised himself he wouldn't cry over Mark again.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Donghyuck had stopped trying to force the soulbond to show on Mark's skin after that.

He hadn't changed the way he treated Mark at all, and if anyone had noticed the lack of physical interaction (read: the lack of Donghyuck trying to force Mark's skin to touch his), no one had said anything. Maybe they thought he had finally matured and grown out of his annoying habit.

Donghyuck buried the need to touch Mark and the feelings he now knew he had deep in his heart, put a lock on them and forced himself to forget about them. 

And it worked. For almost 2 years, he had managed to keep both things out of his mind. He had focused on school and work instead, training harder than ever to better his talents and become an idol known for being an all-rounder, and graduating high school with some of the highest grades in his class, even with the small amount of time he had left to study between training and schedules.

He played around with Chenle and Jisung, with that easiness that came with being the same age, and pranked Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun all the time. He let Yangyang, Guangheng and Dejun call him 'their darling maknae' and baby him all they wanted. He mocked and teased Mark from afar, and made Dream's leader life harder by making him want to murder him half the time and want to giggle because of his silliness the other half.

He was fine, everything was okay, and he was able to be both Donghyuck, the boy that gamed too much and got wrecked by anxiety some days, and Haechan, the idol, confident, playful and Dream's beloved evil maknae.

  
  
  
  


* * *

Everything had fallen apart 3 days before his 18th birthday when most of Dream was away shooting something overnight, but Donghyuck, Mark and Renjun were home because they had solo schedules to attend the following day.

Donghyuck had been up most of the night, sitting in front of the brand new Dream dorm's open kitchen cabinets, trying to force his anxiety to calm down as he stared at the food and missed his brother, who was wrapping up the South American leg of 127's world tour.

"Duckie? What are you doing?" 

He had felt Mark coming closer even before he had heard it, the familiar electricity in the air warning him of his presence. 

"Just... anxious. I'm fine Mark, go to sleep." 

Mark ignored his words and sat down next to him.

"No way dude, I'll stay with you. I'm your replacement brother until Jungwoo comes back."

That single phrase had been the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Well, I don't want you to be." Donghyuck had snapped before he realised what he was saying.

Mark had looked at him with wide, shocked eyes.

"Duckie, what..."

"Have you never thought that maybe, I don't want you to be my replacement brother? Have you ever considered that maybe I'm tired of being Duckie, your younger friend?" Donghyuck felt the words rushing out of him, and he had no way of stopping them. "I'm tired of you thinking of me as the younger cousin you take care of because you promised to and we grew up together. I don't want to be that."

"Duckie, that's not-"

Donghyuck scoffed, getting more and more worked up.

"Did you even think about how shitty it was for you to decide on your own our soulbond had to be a platonic one, that there was no way for it to be anything else? I bet you never even thought about how bad it made me feel when you stopped touching me at all? I spent all my life knowing you would always be there to give me a soft touch or a pat on the back or grab my hand, and then you stopped even breathing near me, I was so confused and hurt by your reasoning, but I just smiled and let it happen because you were happy, and who was I to make it awkward?

"I'm tired, Mark. I'm tired of always feeling this need to touch your skin. I miss the sight of the soulbond on me, I can't even remember the exact shade of yellow our soulbond was because I haven't seen it in two years and that hurts. I'm tired of seeing Jaemin and Jeno, and my brother and Lucas, and my parents, and yearning for what they have, wanting to know what a romantic soulbond should feel like. I can't remember how having a soulmate is supposed to feel because it feels like I haven't had a soulmate for over three years. And that hurts."

Donghyuck was panting by the time he stopped talking, his eyes full of tears and the anxiety so overpowering, his hands were trembling and he couldn't get them to stop.

"Duckie, I'm sorry, I-"

"Stop. Don't call me that. You know what, I'm done. I don't want to hear whatever bullshit you're going to say. I'm going to put myself first for the first time in three years, and I'm going to walk away. I don't want to talk to you, Mark. I don't think my heart can take whatever you're about to say without breaking." He could barely distinguish Mark's features through the blurriness in his eyes. "Just... please stop treating me like a kid. I'm no longer the toddler that couldn't talk and cried when he couldn't eat on time. I think you've never been able to see me for who I am now. And I'm done being tiny little Duckie. I'm done."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Renjun had been startled awake when Donghyuck had knocked on his door at 5 in the morning, but he had taken a single look at his red eyes and wet eyelashes before ushering him in and cuddling him to sleep. 

Mark was gone when they woke up that morning, already on his way to his schedule. 

Donghyuck had done his best to avoid being alone with him ever since.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look at this, an update!  
> Sorry, this story has been fighting back with all it has when I tried to write it.  
> But here they are! I hope you'll like today's update!!   
> ♥ ♥ ♥

Donghyuck had spent the entire day with his family, playing board games, watching movies and relaxing. He knew how much his parents had struggled with the fact that both Jungwoo and Donghyuck were living in dorms instead of home. Having such a significant age difference between them had made it easier for them to get used to Jungwoo moving out when he turned 18. Now that Donghyuck had moved to a dorm with all of Dream a couple of weeks before his birthday, Taeyong and Johnny were still struggling to adapt to being only the two of them most of the time. 

Donghyuck could see himself seeking temporary political asylum in his childhood bedroom for a few days -or weeks- because he really didn't want to go back to the room he shared with Mark. He was terrified of seeing Mark again, yet he was also terribly upset with him.

Donghyuck loved Mark with everything he had. He had loved Mark ever since he could remember, and Mark had the power of destroying him, making him crumble into pieces and fade away. Donghyuck didn't want to allow Mark to finish breaking his heart, so he was breaking his own heart instead, and wouldn't let Mark talk to him.

* * *

  
  


Going back to the dorm after a weekend spent being coddled by his parents and babied by his brother was strange. Even more so knowing he would have to face Mark sooner or later.

He'd choose later.

Donghyuck wrapped himself around Renjun the second he found him sitting on the sofa watching drama reruns. Renjun sighed before hugging him, patting his back gently.

"Want to room with me temporarily?" Renjun asked, and Donghyuck nodded against his shoulder, "Mark isn't here yet, let's go get your things and the mattress from your room and get everything ready."

Donghyuck didn't know what he had done to deserve a best friend like Renjun, but he was glad he had his back.

There wasn't room for the mattress, but they had managed to grab one of the futons they kept for emergency sleepovers and set it next to Renjun's bed. Donghyuck had unpacked everything in his room before taking his toiletries, pyjamas and one change of clothes for the next morning. Renjun had decided to go to the convenience store for snacks to refill the 'Donghyuck's emergency snack baskets' that were in every room of the dorm, so Donghyuck had decided to take a nap while he was gone.

He had gone on Twitter for a little while, answering comments and interacting with fans for the best part of half an hour, before plugging his phone to charge and cuddling into his pillow.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


A sudden weight on top of his body woke him up, making him groan as he stopped being able to breathe.

"Hyuckie! Wakey wakey! Time to wake up!"Yangyang said between giggles, petting his hair.

"Hyung, you're squishing me, please get off me!" 

"Come on, it's dinner time and we're having chicken in our room."

Donghyuck froze.

"Hyung, who—"

"Junie, Hengie, you and I," Yangyang reassured him. Donghyuck relaxed in his arms, "Come on, come on, the chicken will get cold!"

Donghyuck laughed, allowing himself to be dragged behind Yangyang towards his room. He heard the chatter coming from the living room but kept his eyes down, body tense until the door to Yangyang's room closed behind him.

"Hyuckie!" Dejun exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug, "how's my darling maknae doing? Did you have fun at home?" 

Donghyuck nodded, and he felt a second pair of arms hug him as soon as Dejun let him go. He sighed nuzzling against the soft fabric of Guangheng's shirt.

"Hey, kiddo." Donghyuck couldn't fight the soft smile that bloomed on his face at Guangheng's nickname for him.

"Hi, Hyung."

"Come on, let's eat! The chicken will get cold."

  
  
  


Being around Dream's Hyung line always marvelled Donghyuck.

The three older boys worked like a perfectly oiled machine, seamlessly moving in and out of each other's spaces without a single word. Yangyang would hand Dejun a napkin even before the other realised he needed it, Guangheng would take the peanuts out of whatever Yangyang was eating, giving him any onions he could find because those were Yangyang's favourite, and Dejun would keep the radishes far away from Guangheng, knowing he hated the smell of them.

Donghyuck had always been intrigued by their bond. The flashes of red had confused him when he was younger and had first learned about soulmates, but as he grew older, it fascinated him.

He had once asked how the three dealt with their bond, after a long day of schedules, cuddled against Renjun as the three oldest members of Dream settled into a puppy pile on the floor in front of the sofa. Yangyang had smiled sleepily at him, almost purring as Dejun ran his fingers through his hair, and told him they didn't need to deal with the bond because THEY were the bond. They didn't love each other because the bond existed; the bond was there because they loved each other. 

Donghyuck had just shrugged and gone back to whining at Renjun for back scratches. His own bond was basically non-existent at that point, with the way Mark avoided even thinking about it. He couldn't even bring himself to remember how they had been— remembering the time when Mark had always been there for him would only make staying away even harder than it way. 

Having dinner with them made Donghyuck feel better, of course. They dotted on him, as they always had. He was five years younger than them— they had always seen him as the cute young thing they wanted to baby, and Donghyuck wasn't about to complain. He loved being pampered, loved the cuddles and fingers running through his hair and the hands ready to give him a snack the second they noticed he was starting to get jittery. 

He allowed himself to have a good time with his friends, laughing and playing cards against humanity until they got a message from their manager telling them they had a two-day shooting starting the next morning, so they should try to sleep early.

Donghyuck hugged all three of them, even allowing Guangheng to squish his cheeks as he wished him goodnight, before heading to Renjun's room to grab his things.

He paused in front of his and Mark's room. He stared at the closed door, a sliver of light visible through the crack under it, but shook his head and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

He couldn't bring himself to worry about Mark. He had to think about how he was going to make it through shooting without breaking into tears at the mere sight of Mark.

  
  
  
  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Okay, kids, no time for breakfast, we'll grab something on the way, we have to drive to Suwon. All of you have your overnight bags ready?" Their manager looked around the room as he spoke. Everyone nodded. "Great, let's go!"

  
  
  


Donghyuck rested his head against Renjun's shoulder and slept most of the way, sitting in the second-last row of the van. He had waited for Mark to get into one of the vans, and then promptly dived head-first into the other van— there were so many of them, they were used to having to use two vans to move around when they had schedules as a full group.

"You're ok, right?" Renjun asked when Donghyuck woke up, handing him the leftover kimbap Dejun had given them—he always got terrible motion sickness and could never stomach food while they were driving somewhere.

"Yeah, I... I'll just stand as far away from him as I possibly can and stick to you or the others, and I'll be okay."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The plan, the PD explained as they stood in a line in front of the cameras, was to separate them in pairs and have them compete against each other.

That was ok, Donghyuck— no, Haechan could do it.

Jaemin and Jeno. Of course, people couldn't get enough of their pearl white bond.

Yangyang and Dejun. Again, a fan favourite. Everyone loved seeing them bicker with each other while bursts of red became visible on their skin.

Chenle and Jisung. Another no-brainer. People were in love with their pale green bond.

He grabbed Renjun's hand, knowing they were going to be paired together, when...

"Hendery and Renjun," The PD called from behind the camera, and Donghyuck could barely breathe as he tried to stop his Haechan persona from dissolving into nothing.

Because if Guangheng and Renjun were together, that meant...

Donghyuck had been paired with Mark.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment so I can know what you think about it? Pretty please? *puppy eyes*
> 
> If you're interested in College!AUs, I have a new story, Collide. Click [HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25661131/chapters/62297659) to go check it out!!

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/K1mHeechu1) (plz, I need more Twitter friends! It'd be nice to have more people to talk to!), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/k1mheechu1/) and [CC](https://curiouscat.qa/K1mHeechu1)


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